What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 23:49
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
She married twice! .
He knew the spot.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And i lived it daily.
Was to survive, this bastard.
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My mum and dad in the seventies!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
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It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Has anyone ever had sex with their cousin? How did it start, and would you do it again?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why do unattractive men assume that a pretty woman like me want them?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
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Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I was seconnd youngest,
When she asked me how she looked .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
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But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why did i forgive my father ?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
What traits are considered unattractive? Which traits are typically seen as attractive and why?
So whats the point in blame.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Have you had any paranormal activity situations happen personally to you or someone you know?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I waited trembling.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Im still living with it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I have no regrets .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But ive been too sick for many years..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She found it foreign!.
Ive learnt so much.
All the time i was locked up.
But, we were locked up after school.
Put me off passion for life!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I don,t even have a pension.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She wouldn,t have been !
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I was scared of men, in general
Who then, do I blame.?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
So, i spoilt her more .
We were not on the streets..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Would this be the day?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was in good health!
Comes on , in middle age.
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I said to her
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
I was 9 years of age.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I write beautiful poetry .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was very sick at this time too.
I will be 64.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
My family never makes their pension either.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
This is soul school!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We all went to grammer schools
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.